Thursday, October 22, 2009

One line to rule them all

I present a list of my favourite status messages over the last one year. These status messages either deal with something I'm currently doing or with a topical activity, written in a funny way. To me, both conditions are both necessary and sufficient, to make a good one-liner. A pun on an event in the distant past, or something that never happened, is pretty easy to make. After all, the whole world over the course of time provides infinite opportunities for making good puns. And without a pun, I would be a mere news-reader (Obama gets the Nobel Prize!), or a status-updater( I am looking forward to watching Sun TV's Kolangal tonight ), both of which roles  I find extremely uninteresting.

Sticking to this framework was not as difficult as I had imagined - current affairs does provide a fertile field to plough. (Note - I have presented the topical situation in italics  - its probably clear in most cases, but I'm explaining anyway) These messages are roughly in chronological order, starting from the current time.

  1. Did a person with a split personality coin the word 'Fire Work'? (After a Diwali spent watching awesome fireworks by the beach)
  2. People go to Kashi to die. They should just go to Rashee and die. (After spending three boring hours watching What’s Your Rashee)
  3. Has learnt one thing after a bad experience at titan eye+ " Girls seldom make glasses, for men who have passes". (Had multiple vouchers to be used at titan eye+, which couldn’t be used for a wierd reason and it was extremely frustrating)
  4. Will you brave a Worst Queue to enjoy a Coast View?(I hate the proposed beach expressway)
  5. Jaswant's book is gonna be - wait for it - absolutely - Le Jinnah diary. (After the furore on Jaswant's Singh's book on Jinnah)
  6. Indian cricketers are not following the old song - ' Jo WADA kiya, woh nibhana padega' (After  Indian cricketers refused to sign up with the WADA code)
  7. To sum it up, Obama's Beer Summit teaches us one thing - When faced by troubles, grin and beer it.
  8. Is unclear on nuclear physics. Does an atomic sub use sub atomic particles?(After the launch of Arihant - India's nuclear sub)
  9. An idle mind likes a well-stocked bookshop. (Senti thought which was in tune with my state of mind at that time)
  10. Coimbatore's booming cloth industry should enter F1 racing as KovaiLinen (After a trip to Coimbatore)
  11. From all these conspiracy theories floating around, one thing is clear - you can kill all the mockingbirds you want, but remember it's a sin to kill MJ.
  12. Pondy is dandy, with liquor being cheaper.(After a trip to Pondicherry)
  13. How to describe today's interesting faceoff - Jab Dill mile, will Gul Khile?(The Dilshan-Umar Gul match up had promised to exciting. A rare one where I use Hindi words)
  14. How Brawn GP describes its highly-automated F1 car - "Button pushes the button, we do the rest." ( A take on Kodak’s slogan, given Button’s great start to the season)
  15. So many indian americans in the spelling bee; they sure know they're ABCD.(After seeing a million Indian-Americans in the Spelling Bee)
  16. The plot for devD is shaD - if ditched by BanD, go to RunD ( After DevD release – another Hindi one)
  17. Attending my last class at IIMA and wishes there would be a ReSession. ( Senti message)
  18. If the Independent Project system had continued, then would it have solved the credit crisis?(Major academic war on campus, over subjects)
  19. Why didn't the auditors notice the oddities? (After Satyam – most of the good lines had been taken)
  20. The plot for billu will killu (Billu was oh-so-boring)
  21. has decided to become a revolutionary and fight for lower classes, after having a time-table with a mind-boggling 28 sessions this week.
  22. Moores the pity if England cracks under strauss (Strauss made captain, and Moore the coach)
  23. Resolves to make a Thousand Splendid Puns in 2009 (New Year Resolution)
  24. Its better to bailout than to (let) fade away.(After the wave of bailouts that happened)
  25. The Day That Reeves Showed Skill would definitely be The Day the Earth Stood Still.( Keanu Reaves sooooo Bad)   
  26. Kandy may be dandy, but WACA is quick-ah(After a featherbed of a Kandy pitch)
  27. Found hiking in the Black Forest a piece of cake.(An awesome hiking trip to The Black Forest)
  28. Found Beer Steins in Munich, but sadly no Lehmanade. (Had gone to the Oktoberfest)
  29. Are the waters of the Rhine are full of Eau di Cologne? 
  30. Is back to a full stop in Sweden after a semi-cologne tour.(Had to return urgently to Sweden because of an academic requirement) 
  31. Danes may use Trains, but a Viking prefers Hiking. 
  32. Wants to write a story called 'Stock Holmes and the Study in Sweden.'(Hadn’t written it, plan to start sometime) 
  33. Candy may be dandy, but rasam is awsam! (Senti message on one of my trips home)
  34. Unpacking is truly out-of the box thinking  (After going back to IIMA, and confronted by loads of neatly packed cartons waiting to be unwrapped)
  35. Ledger closes his account in style ( After Ledger’s Death )
  36. Batman was a stormy and dark knight ( After The Dark Knight Release)
  37. Left goes ballistic as UPA goes nuclear ( After the UPA and Left broke ties over  the nuclear deal)
  38. Quickdraw Bindraw wins gold ( After Bindra won the gold)
  39. God phelps those who phelp themselves ( After Phelps won many golds)
  40. I'm.In.Madras.Again(After I came home)
  41. 'Jai Home!'
  42. The best tribute to curd rice is the old jungle saying 'What can't be curd must be endurd'  (After coming home, and realizing how much I missed curd rice)