Friday, April 15, 2005

Me and the Art of Frisbee Flying

From time immemorial, throwing things at each other has been a favorite pastime of Man (and Woman) (as can easily be witnessed by the chipped jugs, saucers and whatnot that have been discovered; how else could they have be broken as badly they are if not for people chucking them about?) Needless to say, frisbees were invented by cavemen to fuel this passion. For readers who have just entered, a little additional info would go a long way into unperplexing them and helping them find their bearings. What is a Frisbee? Who invented it? How? Why? And most important of all, How on earth did George Bush get re elected? Find out the answers to these if you want to understand the rest of the post.

Legend has it that the ape man we know as Homo Floriensus aka Hobbit had chucked his brontosaur breast bone to his friend homo MyPrecious aka Gollum when the idea struck him at the same time the brontosaur breast bone struck MyPrecious, that this was THE THING! Visions of him putting his legs up and retiring at the young age of 28 after milking the commercial success of a professionally managed company to market and sell frisbees floated before his eyes. Unfortunately for him and for the rest of humanity up to the year 1857 which wasted their lives not knowing the noble art of frisbee throwing, the idea died with him when MyPrecious attacked him with his Saber-toothed Rotary Club (made from real Saber-tooth for that long-lasting effect and capable of rotating when jerked) for having pulled that dastardly trick of throwing the brontosaur breast bone on him.

It was a dark and stormy night in 1857 when the idea of a frisbee literally hit
T. Bush, the notsogreatgreatgrandfather of our old Friend George W. Picture the scene. He’s pacing his room, which is adorned with trophies of various regions he’s helped conquer. E.g. the emerald from the eye of the statue in the hindoo temple of Siva the Destroyer from a small temple in North India(any mention of imperialist treasure in India has to have an emerald from the eye of the statue in the hindoo temple of Siva the Destroyer), ivory tusks given by the ‘grateful’ natives of Arrack (for those who don’t know, it’s in Central Africa) and so on. He picks up a gold plate which had been given by the peaceful law abiding villagers of Be (which also is located in Central Africa which incidentally is a big place) and is wondering how best to replace their king by a democratically elected head and to ensure that the contract for rebuilding the village which obviously would be smashed to smithereens would be given to American companies only. He sees the sharpness of the gold plate, calls his chief spy, and tells him to chuck it on the king, sharp side first and hey presto! We have a kingdom without a king!

In honor of his successful plot and using the first words the grateful natives praised him with, on being faced with a new king who had ruined the economy but however had given them the all important ‘democracy’, which happened to be ‘Frees Be! God save him!’ In honor of that incident, any plate shaped device that can be chucked about is called a ‘frisbee’

Now that the history class is over, lets get down to the brass tacks vis-à-vis playing with the frisbee. First, chucking it. Hold it in your hand firmly, release it in the direction your aiming at and hopefully it will fly. If not, too bad for you!You would have criticised George W. at some point in your life and thus are paying the price for that!

Now that you have mastered the simple act of throwing you might want to graduate to other more complex ways of throwing

1.The-release-normally-but-frisbee-turns-belly-up throw
This is normally the beginner’s throw and happens unintentionally. The frisbee starts off normally but lands on the ground upside down. If you do want to throw the frisbee like this, chances are high that you will fail miserably as this throw happens only if you are trying it unintentionally.

2.1 If the wind is sou-souwesterly, aim the frisbee at an angle of 18.5 degrees to the ground so that it strikes the ground, rough side up at an angle of 23 degrees
2.2 If the wind is nor-noreasterly, aim the frisbee at an angle of 23.5 egrees to the ground so that it strikes the ground, rough side up at an angle of 18 degrees
2.3If none of these conditions hold true, god help you!

3. The-smooth-flick-that-scythes-through-the-air-and-swings-in-the-breeze-throw
For this, you need somebody who can do the-smooth-flick-that-scythes-through-the-air-and-swings-in-the-breeze-throw. What you as a beginner have to do is simple. Toss it to that guy. Sit back and watch the rest.

Now that you have mastered the fine art of throwing, we move onto the equally easy to learn art of catching.

This is the catch most suitable for beginners. Pretend you are clapping and watch the frisbee get caught between your hands. Very convenient but awful to look at.

Impossible to catch anything in this method but good fun for you if you have a gullible partner who can be convinced to attempt a catch of this type

3. The-between-legs-catch
This is strictly for advanced players only because you could get hit at all kinds of spots if you miss the frisbee altogether while trying to catch it between your legs.

There are a lot more methods of throwing and catching but I have presented only a small subset of them. And in case any of you do want to play this noble game and happen to be in the vicinity of Eliots Beach, you will probably catch me there. If you are young and female but don’t want to play, do look me up anyway!